Kate rolls over and snuggles up against John, sinking into the delight of his warm skin, smelling his musky odor, and pressing her lips against his back. He feels her presence, and rolls over to greet her mouth, and press a hand against her womanhood. She pulls away, frustrated that she can’t have affection without it “turning into” sex. He pulls back, wondering what he did wrong, this time.

Familiar?

Her Need, His Need

Kate says she wants and needs affection on a regular basis. Too much sex without affection, and she feels depleted and “used.” When she has regular affection (inside and outside the bedroom), she feels more sexual.

John prioritizes sex first. For him, it awakens his connection to his partner. And without it, he feels frustrated and “strung-along.” When has regular sex, he naturally feels more affectionate, without even thinking about it.

But here’s the problem [Read more →]

Tags: Consciousness, Relationships, Sexual Freedom, Transforming Sex by Ellie
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We all say we want to be authentic. But when it comes to sex, is it really true?

Think about it.

• If heard our partners’ real desires, would they ask for things that make us comfortable?
• At work, would we return to the days when women got pinched at the coffee pot, and men thought the boss collapsed competence with sex appeal?
• Would more parents have to hear their child declare that s/he is gay?
• And would children lose their innocence if sex is discussed openly?

Maybe we don’t even want to be real with our sexuality. And especially, maybe we don’t want others, like our kids, bosses and partners, to be real.

Or, maybe there are just a few things for us to handle, so that authenticity works.

On the surface, authenticity might look dangerous, but it’s not clear the threats are real:

• New workplace laws exist to make sure promotions happen on merit.
• If our culture accepts sexual authenticity, parents won’t need to protect gay kids from being ostracized and alone.
• Also, parents could have honest and straight conversations with kids, so their innocence is balanced with healthy growth, and kids could discuss their choices with an adult who hears them.
• And marriages are already dealing with problems in agreements - depending on the stats you read, 50-65% of men, and 20-50% of women have affairs. With authenticity, marriage agreements could be discussed and created in a new way - before committing - which would avoid painful lies.

Allowing authenticity will bring us freedom to be real, but it requires us to confront our discomforts, and re-consider our beliefs. I think it’s well worth it. Do you?

Tags: Sexual Freedom, Transforming Sex by Ellie
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