Why include an article about great vibrators on a blog about transforming sex? It’s crazy to think that talking about sex is all it takes to transform it. Ultimately, talking about self-expression and freedom, and experiencing it, are two different things.

So that said, it’s valuable to look at practical matters, like what brings you pleasure? For some people, it’s entirely about connection. For others, it’s about touch – bodies moving together. And for others, toys fit the bill. We’ll explore all them in this blog. But for today, the focus is vibrators! [Read more →]

Tags: Enjoying Sex More, Must Haves, Transforming Sex by Ellie
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My first version of Wild Wiggle (now 5 years ago!) was going to be a health-oriented online sex toy store. Only toys that were good for the body, lubes that didn’t cause yeast infections, etc. It took a wildly (please forgive the pun) different direction, as I’m now almost entirely focused on classes. But there has now been a rise in interest in health-oriented toys. The term “toxic toys” is slowly becoming mainstream, as a way to distinguish those toys that might be damaging.

What are Toxic Toys?

Most manufacturers add chemicals called phthalates, used in PVC plastic, to add flexibility to toys. When you get something that’s really flexible or skin-like, like cyberskin or a jelly toy, it’s probably made with phthalates. (Hint: if your toy smelt bad when you opened the box - especially if it was over-powering - it might be phthalates at work.)

There’s controversy about phthalates, with many people saying they’re toxic, while the manufacturers argue they’re safe. [Read more →]

Tags: Enjoying Sex More, Must Haves, Technique, Transforming Sex by Ellie
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Reading a lot of mainstream mags, you’d think the point was to get really good at sex.

Some recent Cosmo headlines … “Decode his passion positions to find out how he thinks and feels … Here’s a how-to on handling his hottest urges … Check these (positions) out and he’ll be yelling, “You go, Cow-Girl!”

The headlines targetted at men are more explicit … “Improve stamina … Rock Hard Erections … How to make love all night.”

You’d think it’s all about getting better at sex, wouldn’t you? With ads like these, no wonder we’re all so worried about performance.

Ready when you are
… Cowboy!”

What if we switched it, so it’s not about getting better at sex, but about enjoying sex more?

You could still find those tingly, yummy, playful places in your partner’s body, all while finding your own whoop-dee-doo, too.

Tags: Enjoying Sex More, Relationships, Technique, Transforming Sex by Ellie
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Quote from sex therapist Evelyn Green: “Be the subject of your own desire, rather than the object of someone else’s.”

A lesson well-learned for many, especially women (or so it seems), who worry more about the impression they’re making than what they want for themselves.

In my coaching practice, I have several female clients who wanted to have more pleasure … so it would please their partners. The women with this challenge are often very attractive. Why? Because they’ve focused on being attractive, and forgotten to ask themselves what they want.

To have pleasure or orgasm you’ve got to feel your own body. But when you’re doing it for you partner, your attention is outwardly-focused, and it’s hard to notice the feelings in your body. Feel it for yourself, and the pleasure comes more easily.

In being the subject of your desire, you find that marriage of what you want AND what your partner wants. A natural way to more pleasure and connection.

Tags: Enjoying Sex More, Relationships, Transforming Sex by Ellie
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In a training I’ve taken, we talk a lot about Being Right.

Wanna Be Right?
…or Be Happy?

When you’re Being Right, you’ll do anything to prove how right you are, at almost any cost. Things like focusing so much on your point, that you don’t notice that you’re invalidating someone, ditching a friendship over an opinion, or suffering to make someone feel bad.

To Be Right, you’ve got to be rigid and inflexible, and disconnected from your body, and from your partner. On the surface, it feels strong and powerful, like you own the world.

But if you actually felt your body, or looked into your partner’s eyes, you’d notice that it feels horrible. Why? Because you’d feel the impact of Being Right.

Which might be the real reason why, when you’re Being Right, you lose interest in engaging sexually. [Read more →]

Tags: Enjoying Sex More by Ellie
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