Reading a lot of mainstream mags, you’d think the point was to get really good at sex.

Some recent Cosmo headlines … “Decode his passion positions to find out how he thinks and feels … Here’s a how-to on handling his hottest urges … Check these (positions) out and he’ll be yelling, “You go, Cow-Girl!”

The headlines targetted at men are more explicit … “Improve stamina … Rock Hard Erections … How to make love all night.”

You’d think it’s all about getting better at sex, wouldn’t you? With ads like these, no wonder we’re all so worried about performance.

Ready when you are
… Cowboy!”

What if we switched it, so it’s not about getting better at sex, but about enjoying sex more?

You could still find those tingly, yummy, playful places in your partner’s body, all while finding your own whoop-dee-doo, too.

Tags: Enjoying Sex More, Relationships, Technique, Transforming Sex by Ellie
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Do you love your partner, but you’ve stopped salivating over them? Or maybe you’ve obsessed about someone who you’d like to have as a partner.

This video from Helen Fisher talks about the love-related states of our brain.

The most amazing section is that she distinguishes three types of love (in the brain’s activity).

One is romantic love. She defines it as more than merely an emotion, but also as a powerful “drive”, which pushes you into certain behaviors.

There’s also the sex drive, which is distinct, and helps you discover a partner.

And last is attachment, which is what you feel for a long-term partner.

You may, or may not, feel all of these towards the same person, which explains why the feelings of love might change over time.

My question: does our love shift because of changes in the brain? Or do changes in the brain just reflect the shifts we’re making in our lives?

I’ve found that, when I’m holding on to anger towards my husband, I’m still connected to the feeling that I love him (in a friendly way), but I quickly lose the feeling of being “in love.” But when I’m diligent about restoring love to the relationship, I ongoingly feel that I’m “in love” with him.

My hunch is that my brain reflects that.

After four years, I still feel deeply and passionately in love with him, and I don’t think that’s going away.

This video is 23 mins long, but worth a look. It explains a lot about relationships, and the feelings we have about them.

Tags: Consciousness, Relationships, Transforming Sex by Ellie
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Have you followed the work of the movie “The Secret”, Wayne Dyer, Abraham, or other new-age leaders? Then you’ve probably tried “raising your vibration” to attract what you want into your life.

It’s a nifty concept: it suggests that we all have a vibrational level, which affects how quickly we attract what we want into our lives.

The higher your vibrational level, the more power you have to attract things. (For more information, check out any of books from Abraham)

And yet, one of the fastest ways to raise our vibration is usually overlooked: it’s sex. [Read more →]

Tags: Consciousness, Transforming Sex by Ellie
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Quote from sex therapist Evelyn Green: “Be the subject of your own desire, rather than the object of someone else’s.”

A lesson well-learned for many, especially women (or so it seems), who worry more about the impression they’re making than what they want for themselves.

In my coaching practice, I have several female clients who wanted to have more pleasure … so it would please their partners. The women with this challenge are often very attractive. Why? Because they’ve focused on being attractive, and forgotten to ask themselves what they want.

To have pleasure or orgasm you’ve got to feel your own body. But when you’re doing it for you partner, your attention is outwardly-focused, and it’s hard to notice the feelings in your body. Feel it for yourself, and the pleasure comes more easily.

In being the subject of your desire, you find that marriage of what you want AND what your partner wants. A natural way to more pleasure and connection.

Tags: Enjoying Sex More, Relationships, Transforming Sex by Ellie
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My favourite toy is not really a toy. It’s a lambskin rug.. The best value is at - believe it or not - Costco online. They’re slightly thinner than higher quality rugs, but just as soft, and at about 1/3 the price. The 4-pelt is a great size for one person to lie on alone. The 8-pelt is great for covering a Queen size bed.

Tags: Must Haves, Transforming Sex by Ellie
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