Get Better at Sex? Or Enjoy it More?
Reading a lot of mainstream mags, you’d think the point was to get really good at sex.
Some recent Cosmo headlines … “Decode his passion positions to find out how he thinks and feels … Here’s a how-to on handling his hottest urges … Check these (positions) out and he’ll be yelling, “You go, Cow-Girl!”
The headlines targetted at men are more explicit … “Improve stamina … Rock Hard Erections … How to make love all night.”
You’d think it’s all about getting better at sex, wouldn’t you? With ads like these, no wonder we’re all so worried about performance.
Ready when you are
… Cowboy!”
What if we switched it, so it’s not about getting better at sex, but about enjoying sex more?
You could still find those tingly, yummy, playful places in your partner’s body, all while finding your own whoop-dee-doo, too.
What a catch-22 this issue is! I want to enjoy sex to the fullest, but I keep returning to wondering if I am looking, sounding and feeling good to my partner. That snaps me right out of my body and into my head - not my most erogenous zone! Yet if I focus on my own pleasure, my partner begins to wonder if I’m really present with him. It seems to require some kind of multi-tasking ability that I haven’t mastered yet!
It’s a vicious cycle, isn’t it? Just as we’ve trained ourselves to cue our partner that it’s feeling good, they’ve also trained themselves to assume it isn’t feeling good if they don’t get those cues!!
As always communication is important.
It’s useful to tell your partner when you’re “going inside” for a bit. My husband knows what that means - that I’ll be focusing only on my body - and then he’s not surprised when I’m not fully present with him. He loves to create pleasure, so he’s happy when I go inside for a while … so long as I come back out for more time together, too!